The Tragedy After the Tragedy (the post that gets me unfollowed)
My heart has been so heavy lately. Watching the devastation inflicted by hurricane Dorian seems to have done a number on my emotions, and I feel like I’m always one melancholy melody or sappy commercial away from breaking down. I suppose living with chronic illness I just don’t have any emotional reserves. I mean, I don’t even know anyone affected by the storm, but that doesn’t seem to matter. In fact, Carrington eyed me as I cried watching the news and asked, “What’s wrong? Who do we know there?” I couldn’t answer, but Greg responded, “Humans live there. That’s enough to make us all sad.”
Yet, in the last couple of years, every time a major tragedy hits, whether it be natural or terrorist in nature, I feel the pain of the initial tragedy. And then I feel the pain of our self-inflicted tragedy after the tragedy.
Someone has got to remind me to stay away from social media when tragedy strikes! It’s no secret I struggle with social media. I can’t seem to stay consistent with it and keep an “online presence”. I’m struggling as it is to keep a for-real presence in my home most days. But in the past, after tragedy, people came together and supported one another in their grief, and that does still happen to an extent. But for every post about the suffering, the grief, the how we can help, there are four posts about the politics. Who did what wrong. What political agenda this event can help propel forward. How people’s grief can be manipulated into jumping on someone’s bandwagon. How not agreeing with the poster calls your morals into question… you know, because they are so tolerant and you’re not. (The irony of complaining about political posts after tragedy and this turning political is not lost on me, dear ones.)
But can I just say, when people you know are suffering and have lost everything in a hurricane and all you can talk about is how bad Trump screwed up the forecast (or how bad Obama screwed up something else eight years ago) or how immoral people are who don’t agree with your ideas on immigration, or global warming, or how to make kids stop picking their noses, or whatever, that’s the twofer. That’s the second tragedy. Or, God help me, when you say the victims deserve it because they didn’t support global warming initiatives, my heart shatters in a million pieces—because it’s so much easier to understand things that are out of our control than it is to comprehend hatred inflicted on people simply because they don’t believe as you do, because they don’t jump on your bandwagon.
Perhaps with illness I just don’t have the stomach for bickering, or maybe understanding the frailty of life it makes me more sensitive about those who are suffering, but can we not have at least one hot minute to grieve before the arguing begins? Or let me be really greedy. Can we have a day or even two?!
When there is a shooting and a body count hasn’t even been determined and already the politics of gun control are screaming above the solidarity of love, grief and support for the families, I fear for our nation more as a result of that than I do because of the crazy shooter. Believing your way is so right that you forget the value of the humans you are fighting for by instigating arguments, name calling and inciting hatred instead of coming together in love dehumanizes us all. And that makes it easier for another person to pick up a weapon without considering the implications.
This goes beyond serious tragedies. I see random verbal lashings and broadcasted acts every time I open social media. When someone believes their way is so right and others are so wrong that it justifies stealing from the graves of veterans... what else can and is being justified? I don’t care if it’s confederate flags that are being stolen because they send a painful message to many people. Disrespecting the graves of veterans sends a painful message to many others. Disrespecting, devaluing and dehumanizing people who don’t believe as you do only hurts your cause—especially when the goal is showing care for the feelings of others and demonstrating the value and equality of all.
These and so many similar acts create a new inequality. They send a very clear message to those who often hold very similar values, but simply believe in a different path to reaching the same sought-after destination. The message is this, “You are only equal, you only have value, and you are only humane if you believe as I do—as all clearly should. You are only a moral, tolerant being if you see things my way, and if you won’t, you will no longer be tolerated in this country.”
Name calling, being declared immoral and not being tolerated by those who profess to take the moral high ground of tolerance gets old quickly. Therefore, most stay silent (with the exception of the untactful and truly bigoted). This leaves the poster with the impression that everyone reasonable agrees with them. Meanwhile, the heart of a loving, caring nation is broken two-fold. Once for the same injustices that break your heart and again for the hatred and silence pushed upon them in the name of fighting injustice—which ironically propetuate and inflame injustice for everyone.
The thing is, I know the hearts of the people who have posted the things that have upset me. They are great people. Some of them are a few of the very best people I know. I know their hearts are in the right place. Perhaps that is what is most disturbing to me. There are crazy people out there who believe they are superior to everyone else and create division, isolation and fear. There are some. But there are masses of people with good intentions who are not bad, who are not immoral (no more than every single one of us are), that are creating division, isolation and sometimes even fear on a larger scale because of their numbers and because of the notion that their beliefs about how to handle social issues are morally superior to others. (Which implies that they are morally superior.) And yes, this happens on both sides.
We must look past the differences in beliefs, even when we don’t understand. When I research issues, I can see the viewpoints of both sides. I see that, in many contentious situations, both have the same goal, the same care for others in mind, they just see different parts of the picture, follow different paths in their minds to where each suggested solution will lead. This whole, “If you’re not with us you’re against us” mind-set is bullcrap.
We weren’t all made to be the same and be robotic yes-men and women. And I know that I am human and have my own blind spots. I’m sure I’ve unknowingly hurt others along the way. (Perhaps I am right now with this post, although that is not at all my intent.) I can only hope that others will show me grace and realize my intentions are not to hurt.
We need to be aware that although there are uncaring people of the opposite side, they are exceptions. Don’t let those people define the whole for you. Isn’t that the stereotyping we’re fighting against?
In fact, we all know that person of the opposite side who doesn’t fit the mold. They are caring, compassionate, loving to all and they’ll drop everything to help others across religions, races, orientations. We think they are the anomaly because whatever particular media we choose to watch tells us they are. It’s time we start realizing and believing that what we experience in real life is the reality. What we see in the media (no matter what outlet you watch) is the sideshow, the exception, amped up for ratings.
The reality is that with a few rare exceptions, we all care. Let’s believe that. While we can and should engage in civil discussion about solutions, political superiority complexes, moral high grounds and character bashing will only perpetuate and exacerbate the very problems we wish to change.
If you can’t comprehend how someone could be opposed to a belief which is completely cut and dry to you, ask them to tell you more about their view. Then…
Listen. And listen for their true meaning. Some people just lack tact, but actually have the same caring goals that you do. Listen to understand their experience, which you may know nothing of.
That’s how we will heal our nation. Listening and loving. Not by declaring tolerance for all because in the name of tolerance we have become more polarized and intolerant than ever. As my pastor says, “Tolerance is easy. Love is hard.” Love doesn’t dehumanize you if you don’t fall in line with my beliefs and solutions. Loving all demands that I love you even if your political beliefs appear immoral to me. Love demands I try to see things from your point of view. If I love you and try to see things from your point of view, I won’t be easily offended by what you do or say. Hurt at times, yes. Just as I feel hurt and saddened by many posts I see, but I’m not offended because I know the heart of the person is generally in the right place.
I look forward to heaven when there will be no tragedy or political posturing. But in the meantime, I know tragedy will come, so my dream is that when tragedy hits, it will unite us in our love and determination to support one another as human beings. Regardless of race, religion, gender, orientation, political views, education, tattoos/piercings or lack of, dog person/cat person, whatever. Our love for each other will be greater than our desire to push our political agenda.
No more tragedy compounding tragedy. I want to see the solidarity of our shared humanity healing the pain of tragedy.